Just a Brief Synopsis of 5/28/10

Today was the epitome of hard work. At this point I'm surprised that I'm still conscious. I had to dry quite literally all over the island, taking people to places, running errands, trying to get to locations that I wasn't really sure where they were. I had a 9 hour shift from 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. It was actually longer than that, but that's basically the time and hours. I was walking and helping to set up, and clean up for a "party" that was for after a funeral, for about 2-3 hours. The rest, about 7-8 hours were spent driving. They worked me hard, and I'm simply exhausted.

Luckily I was able to get out in time for the soup and music/poetry cafe thing that my dad helped to start in our church. There was music. There was also poetry. Some from a lady who became popular from a blog of her own, known as the Poet Mom. Some poems were recited, not really read, by the poet loriat of Rhode Island (I'm not sure if I spelled loriat right), Lisa Star. My father was the last poet. Most of their poetry was nostalgic like a gentle summers breeze who's tail winds brush your hair around. My father's poetry made me think more of some type of nonfiction story telling, but I did like it. I like to think that he stood his own ground well with the two published poets, one of which is a significant figure of Rhode Island (at least in my eyes) (Although I did think some of his poems were a bit lengthy, but still good). I so badly want to pass out right now just so I can wake up early again and start another day of work that will also leave me exhausted. If you want to talk or communicate in any way let me know.

Much love,

Nathan

All Work and No Play...

Tomorrow I start my first day of work. Originally I was supposed to start at 9 a.m., but now it's changed to 8. Of course, I'll be waking up earlier than that so I can get ready and everything. I'm not exactly sure what I'll be doing. I know that it's Memorial weekend, so a lot of people are coming to the island. I understand that I'll be doing freight work, which is going to the docks and getting supplies and crates and whatnot. Tomorrow, however, there's also going to be a funeral that a lot of people are coming for. I'm supposed to be my boss's assistant for that. There are two things that are HUGE pluses for me: 1. I speak English, not many of my fellow employees speak much English if any, and 2. I have my own housing. Having your own housing is a sure fire way to get a job on the island. Virtually every employer here has to get housing for their employees, and that costs a pretty penny for the employers. I'm not sure if it comes out of the pay, but I'm just glad that I don't have to worry about that. There is one thing that is on my mind, and it's that I'm pretty sure I'm not 100% recuperated from the surgery. I'm not sure how this is going to play out if my boss wants me to do a lot of heavy lifting.

I haven't been able to keep in touch with everyone the way I wanted to. I'm afraid that island life is beginning to get to me, and I'm hoping that working basically full time will help to keep my mind off of this horrible feeling of seclusion that I have. I can only hope that someone will visit me soon, or try and communicate with me. It's difficult not being able to see your friends on a regular basis or not knowing how they are and what's going on with their lives. I know that by the end of the summer we'll all be reunited, but I was hoping that I wouldn't have to wait for then. I suppose there's really not much I can do. If you think of anything or want to contact me let me know. Until next time.

See ya,

Nathan

I Just Want To Say Something...

So, haven't been up to all that much lately. The most I've done is find out when I'm working for how much I'm getting paid and how long I'm working. Money is very important for a college student. I know that this is a stereotypical characteristic of college kids, but it's very true for most of us. This probably doesn't apply to anyone with a full scholarship or who's family is in the upper class. I'm not sure though. I know that my roommate from last year and this coming year his parents are considered fairly well off when it comes to money. Then again they are in China. His father works for the Communist party and his mother for the tobacco industry. Both hold a lot of power in the People's Republic of China. The strangest thing about them is that they're "Muslim". Well, they're not really Muslim, they just claim to be, and they have it in their blood. Ok, enough of the side tracking. Money is very important in the present state of things, what with the tanked economy, recessions, price of oil, and whatnot etc. Hopefully I'll be able to make enough. I think that's probably everyone's aspiration for the coming year and so on and so forth.

I haven't gone fishing yet which is disappointing, and I have no idea when I will. Last time I went fishing on Block Island I fished from the shore, getting up at 4 a.m. On my second cast I caught a 29" 15 lb. striped sea bass. It tasted great, and I can't wait to go out and do that again. Unfortunately, due to the surgery and all of my time that I need to recuperate and all the work I'll be having to do this summer I'm afraid I may not be able to do everything that I want. This is especially so if I'm working 40 hour weeks. It's a shame when we put our career ahead of the things that we love. I'm going to try and get into either writing or film (or both), and luckily for me those are both things that I love.

I do miss my friends. I can't wait to see them again. I feel very cut off from everyone, but I suppose that's to be expected. I really wanted this summer to be able to talk to them or communicate with them in some way. It seems that this wish has been unsuccessful so far, but there's still hope.

Thanks,

Nathan

Poems and Professional Writers

So, I was looking through some blogs today, and I came across a 20 year old girl who said she was going to school somewhere. She was moderately attractive, but that's not what really got me. Apparently she's a published author, she has some short stories out, a book, is currently coming out with a graphic novel, and is working on a script with a film student. This mostly caught my attention, because that's what I wish to be doing in the future. She's already doing it and is a year younger than me. It's disheartening sometimes seeing things like that, but I'll try my best not to lose hope and a fighting spirit. I need to keep some ambition, right?

On another note, last night and when I woke up this morning I wrote some poems. They don't have any titles, and they're still works in progress, but I decided that I'd share them on my blog. I'm not sure why I'm doing this, except that they'll take up a lot of space and I felt like sharing some writing even if I did do it all spur of the moment (sort of). Here they are:

1^st poem

Because I haven’t been myself as of late,

It’s been a tough year, tough crowd,

And I couldn’t have postulated,

That things would turn out this way,

That clouds would soak up sun rays, and pour acid onto the backs of babes.

I didn’t know I’d burn through, taking everything, and leaving only ash.

I didn’t consider the consequences,

And in that moment, forgot about you.

Who am I to do something so inconceivably sinister,

As unprovoked and unknowingly as it was,

It still makes me a terrible person.

And here I am alone,

Me, myself,

Here, without you,

To contemplate this need to live,

With lackluster lives of unpolished rocks,

I stand at the foot of the grave,

At the edge of the world,

On the shores of an island long forgotten,

With clichés in hand, and a need for something hard,

To drink or throw, it really doesn’t matter anymore.

I need to need, and want to want,

2^nd poem

This isn’t me anymore,

I’m a lost cause.

You won’t hear anything,

That I’m telling you,

It’s simply inevitable.

Your ears,

They’re clogged with yourself.

I tried to help you out, but you just squirmed and turned over,

I couldn’t reach, and so, you fell.

I’m not the man I once was,

Discouraged, beaten, rough, unpolished, dirty,

I think when I left I was a boy,

Things change, I’ve lost my religion,

I’m a free thinker, a philosopher of the word,

Pen and paper clutched as life itself,

I will write you a sonnet,

That reflects everything you are to me,

Perfection.

3^rd poem

Here is everything,

I’ll give it up,

Give it to you to throw away,

It’s only my life,

A crumpled up piece of paper,

Trash to some,

Hopefully treasure to another,

I wrote a eulogy,

With words jagged and calloused,

I’d forgotten the days when you called me smooth,

It’s been a while, and I’d completely forgotten myself.

I used to be a boy of seven feet,

Now I’m a man just below six.

Where did the days go?

Where did I go?

Where did we go?

I’ll come to visit,

With my hands in my pockets, head down,

Let’s make this awkward.

You’ll tell me my life is meaningless, and worthless,

I’ll take it, take everything, and let you continue,

Undeterred, unpresumptuous,

I deserve all that I get.

The fallen son of a man on a rock.

I am he.

4^th poem

No one knows the pain it takes to make leeway anymore,

Constructed out of paper hearts,

I gather my wits about me,

And proceed to the next tent,

Clowns assimilate, and I cower,

Happy masks covering the deranged,

I carry on,

To the next, and thereafter,

Here I am, on my merry way,

A man about town so to speak,

Town is the size of an anthill,

And I have nowhere to go,

I can’t find what I’m looking for,

Scoured the world for something not there,

Hopeless?

Hapless.

I consummate my wanderings,

By continuing,

It never ends,

It can’t, and so forth,

I bear my back to the wind,

Which scrapes and tears,

Leaving burns and marks upon my back,

I fall to my knees, and call to the hills,

My help is nowhere.

So, I get up, and persist.

This is how it goes.

5^th poem

It’s not that hard to write a poem,

Just put down words,

And feelings thereof.

I used to write down what came to mind,

Now it’s what comes to heart,

And haven’t looked back since.

Otherwise a pillar of salt I would become.

Oh biblical references,

Acknowledge such things and you will prosper,

So the wise would say, or something similar,

I do not claim to do the impossible, although life is full of bumps and hills and mountains,

It’s a difficult time, to live and whatnot.

My syntax has become a baffled mess,

Thrown up to the heavens only to come down jumbled,

To live a life so free, would make dull a life of inclinations.

I cannot tell you a formula,

Or give a proper example,

Do something,

Make it your own,

Lest it be original, shine your own light.

My Travels

Finally made it back to the island (Block Island for those who don't know). It was 11 hours of driving (my dad really) through Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Connecticut and Rhode Island (I think those are the only places). It seems strange to come here, and I had plenty of time to think about it on the slow hour long ferry ride. My parents call this place home. I call it their home. I don't see it as my own, and this has been brought up more than once already since I got here. I lived 13 years in New Jersey, 7 years in Kentucky, 2 (college) years in Ohio, and will live a few months out of the year on this island. I don't really feel like anywhere is home right now, and it's a pretty tough thing to have to deal with, at least for me. It's on top of everything else that I've had going on in my life. I'm a man without a home. I'm searching for this sacred place. I look out to the ocean which seems green with envy at this moving mass, towards the clouds of white cotton suspended above me in the distance, and I wonder. If home is where the heart is, and I'm looking for home; then I'm looking to give my heart away. Does that sound right?

Aside from these few quandaries I'm all right. The healing is coming along nicely. Although I'm still ashamed to go out in public. I don't know when I start my job, or if I should also try to get another. I'm eventually going to get a haircut, and hopefully get to spend more time reading and writing (and outside doing physical activities and whatnot). I hope to be leading a normal life soon, but as a pk who knows if that'll even be an option.

Chow,

Nathan

The City of Something...

My last day in Cleveland the city of...whatever Cleveland is known for. I'd like to say I've really gotten to know this city well. What with the random people asking for money, the bizarre and confusing way that the streets are set up, the fact that I still haven't found a grocery store and I've been here for a week now, the alarming lack of movie theaters, and the five or so nearby Winking Lizards (although they have good food [and drinks] it's probably not the best idea to put a restaurant within walking distance of itself). It's been a "great" bonding experience with my parents, which of course will be even better when I take the 11 hour drive back to Rhode Island with my dad. Honestly, a part of me will miss this place. I mean don't get me wrong, I don't think I'll ever want to live in Cleveland, not that there's anything wrong with it, just that I'll forever associate it with being cramped up in a room with my parents for a week and surgery that had tormented me for about a year. I'm truly going to miss everyone that I'm leaving in Ohio, but I'll get to see people in the New England area that I don't usually get to see (nor have I seen in quite a while) and it's only for 3 months. I'll post another blog when I can.

Muchos gracias,

Nathan

My Accidental Review

I know that I've been slacking in the blogs, already. Not a lot has happened the past two days, and I haven't known what to write about. Someone did attempt to solicit women to my father and I, but I'm pretty sure he was crazy, mostly because of how he was talking. Also, I saw the new Robin Hood. I'm not going to lie, I was mildly disappointed. It wasn't that it was a bad movie, it just wasn't what I expected. First of all it's a prequel to the story that everyone knows, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but it leaves the end like a cliffhanger that you're just waiting to fall from. It's completely open to a sequel at this point, but with such a magnificent cast I'm sure that about half of them won't sign up for the next one (I've been wrong before). It was a very simple storyline with obvious camera work and angles. The fight scenes were shaky and jumpy for the sake of making them chaotic. The fight scenes themselves were the same-old-same-old that we've been seeing for a while. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but that I definitely feel the need for something new. However, I can say that in my opinion everyone (every major actor) in the movie did a fabulous job. There's not really any bad acting even on the parts where it would be easy to do a poor job.

I hadn't intended this to be a review or critique, but it seems as though that's how it turned out. I miss everyone greatly and it's only been about a week (shorter for people who've already come to visit me). I'm still in Cleveland in a hotel room with my parents. I hate to leave the great state of Ohio particularly because I'll miss all my friends who reside here, but get me out of here!

Peace out. Talk to you later.

Nathan

A Simple People

I feel that I should warn you that I wrote this during our trip, and later on I'll probably try and get everything in this fixed. Right now, I'm exhausted and just want to write it down here.

We finally venture out of Cleveland. My dad tells me we're going to pass through Wooster on our way to Millersburg and then Berlin. We instantly get into an argument, my father and I, as soon as we leave about how much I use my care and whether or not I really need it. My mom breaks us up. He can be a bit of a jerk sometimes.

The further we get from Cleveland it seems to become significantly greener as we pass by actual yards full of grass and tall urban (or suburban) trees. There are no birds, just blue skies hanging overhead with whiffs of clouds like leftover smoke from a fire.

There's nothing but open road and interstate trees. We stop to get gas at a Speedway we can't get to at first. It's like a maze, and none of the signs really help us to get there. I only mention this because it's $2.68 which is moderately good for me and significantly good for my parents. In Rhode Island gas has pushed over $3. Some of the songs that we listen to seem to go well with what could be a potential soundtrack, Roundabout by Yes, Live and Let Die by Paul McCartney (maybe Wings I don't remember), Don't Let Me Down by E.L.O., Long Long Way from Home by Foreigner and Another One Bites the Dust by Queen. I'm not sure why these catch my ear, but they do.

We eventually pass into rural regions with broken down and quaint homes and corn-hole sets for sale. There is flat farmland for miles, and I know that at one point in time it was all woodland cut down for the sake of food. In some cases this is not a bad thing as it was probably done out of necessity, but I can clearly see the line where the old forest meets the new farmland. Tin roofs ancient white houses and barns litter the sides of the road.

Pheasant Ridges is tan brown roofed houses with brown shutters in what I would call wannabe suburbia. It's a sudden popup which is instantly followed by the country. Every yard seems to be pumping oil.

We make it to Wooster where we're met up with subdivisions, stores and schools that resemble churches. My parents decide to go into a Kohl's. In here I come to the true realization of my limitations. I bend over to try on some new white Reebok running shoes and I feel the pressure shift to my eye. I am instantly overcome by nausea, weakness and regret that I left my pain medication in the hotel.

We are quickly back on the road to Millersburg. We are headed to see the Amish (or as my friend who will remain anonymous says the mafia). We take a turn down a road with a detour sign that says bridge out 3 miles ahead, ominous to say the least. There's no detour, the bridge really is out and people have blocked their driveways to prevent drivers from turning around. We nearly get lost, but somehow find our way to an interstate. Unfortunately, we go in a circle, and come back to the place we were just lost at. My dad does something unheard of, he stops at a Stop n' Go for directions that are surprisingly accurate. We take a country road which lies near a creek (or canal) and other bodies of water. There are signs that warn if there's flooding we're not supposed to take this road, another bad sign. There is nothing but open farmland, random scattered trees, and some houses half of which are mobile.

According to my father Berlin is the largest Amish community, even bigger than the ones in Pennsylvania. This is hard to believe for me especially considering that's where all the Amish originally went to. Millersburg is a nice community as far as places go.

There's marshland on the way there. There are bird houses atop wooden poles, giant cattails, and a massive covering of lily pads. I was pleasantly surprised. This was discontinued by farmland. There's not much Amish anything when you first enter, just old homes and signs of society. It's still quaint though.

Then we leave the small town setting (sort of) passing by a random yet pristine golf course surrounded by giant houses that scream swiss architecture. We head down a road toward a town called Charm. Horses, goats, burros, and chickens galore. I'm not all that surprised by the livestock. I am surprised, however, about this restaurant called Grandma's Homestead. I get the buffet, and so does my father. All you can eat buffet and pecan pie, best food I've had in a while (and it's Amish). They had corn pudding that rivals Hollaway (or my dad's) corn pudding. My eye is killing me all the while and I bring it up once.

We stop at a cheese factory. It's not very big but the place is packed. It's here I begin to notice that I'm getting sicker. A part of me doesn't want to bring it up to my parents, but what if something happens because I don't.

I make it to Berlin. I rest in the car as my parents go inside a craft store. Windows cracked the aroma of manure and countryside wafts into my nose. There's not much to do except watch the traffic drive on by and see the shops that line the street. Purely geared toward tourists, I bet this place makes most of its income over the summer much like Block Island. Although it seems like a fairly peaceful calm place I can't imagine living here.

We then go to a surprisingly stereotypical flea market. There's everything there that you'd expect, and also Amish made goods. The last place we go to is The Amish Mennonite Heritage Center which is really just a museum for the Amish/Mennonite. As we leave to make our way back Amish are all over, they walk around, they're in their buggies, and some are working the land. There's a man with a beard resting atop a plow, his straw hat lying flat on his head. He's wearing overalls and a green plaid shirt. The scene is very majestic, like something that I'd expect to see in National Geographic. The most unlikely thing, in my opinion, are his sunglasses. To be frank, they're better than mine. My mom gave a wave as we went on by, and he waved back...

Friends and stuff...

My friends just left. Allison, (Bio/Major) Tom, Kauk Kauk, Steve, and Caroline were here to visit me. It may be the last time that I see them until the end of summer, which is a very depressing thought. It's all the more reason to try to keep in touch with everyone. I've also been keeping tabs with Erica and Annie, and will be with anyone else who is willing to. I miss them already. In fact, I miss everyone. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy to be with my parents, but I do miss my friends. I just lived the majority of a year with these people (although I know that I spent a majority of my life with my parents). It's one of those times that I begin to realize I might just be growing up (that's debatable). It's not that I feel less close to my parents I just feel closer to my friends. I'm glad they came to visit. Showing that you care is a strong way to really get on Nathan's good side, and yes, I did just refer to myself in third person. I don't know why I'm so lucky to have such great friends, but I know that I don't deserve it. Truth be told I probably don't deserve a lot of things.

I just hope that I can be as good a friend to them as they are to me. I'll try to be there for them. If I wasn't so far away from everyone it would certainly be a lot easier. I hope that I'm not a failure. To be a friend you must give to receive (and I suppose vice versa). Hopefully (get the motif here?) I get to see these wonderful people again very soon. I love them all (no homo [Steve will get it most of all]).

My after thoughts

It's two days after I just had "major" surgery. My eye is swollen like I just got punched by a man who is significantly bigger than me. My mind creates a scenario of this 6'3" giant with broad shoulders, dark brown hair, and I can't make out the eyes. He punches me in the face, and that's that, sort of.

To be perfectly honest, although surgery seems like a good and reasonable excuse for my current appearance, I'm somewhat embarrassed about how I look. This is nothing new, only this time there's not much I can do, it's only partially my fault. I do have some friends coming over to the hotel room that I'm staying at, and I hope it goes well. I'm going to be wearing an eye patch so as not to gross them out and to save me what little dignity I have left (Nothing says friendship like people coming over to see you disfigured).

This is my first blog, and already I don't know what to do with it. I hope to be keeping people up to date with it. I don't know how well anyone will be able to keep in touch with me, or if they actually want to; but this is my way of attempting to 'help people out.' Eventually I'll get better at this blogging thing, but for right now I'm merely "testing out the waters" if I may be so cliché.

I apologize to anyone reading this, because it's not very good. My excuse is that I'm currently doing this with one eye, but really I'm just not any good at this yet. Hopefully next time I'll be better at blogging. I'll try and think it over more.